Something someone said to me this morning struck a chord, or rather, it hit a nerve. Even though the person was blind rotten drunk (yes, at 8 o’clock), what he said was so insightful and spot-on, it was like he had looked right into my soul. It was both frightening and exciting for someone to know so much about me in such a short space of time. What was even more amazing was the fact that I hadn’t said much about myself at all, he had simply observed my actions and listened carefully to what I was saying and gained insight into my nature and how I really feel. I’ve always thought of myself as a closed book, someone who takes time to get to know, someone who won’t reveal much about their true self easily, or at all, in some cases. Obviously I am more easily read than I thought, or perhaps this person is just able to see through bullshit. Whatever the case, I was impressed.
I wasn’t offended by what he said and he certainly hadn’t meant to do so; he was simply speaking the truth as he saw it. We were discussing what had brought us to where we were sitting and I mentioned that I’d recently quit my job as a teacher in Australia. I explained that I felt disheartened by the direction being taken by schools in general and that I didn’t fancy the hierarchy of the bureaucrats who run these institutions. Another person chimed in telling me that a position for a local school was coming up and if I was interested, to let them know. I took my time in replying and it was this hesitation, which obviously spoke more to this man than anything else. He said that I was now taking a break and was trying to figure out what had disillusioned me in the first place to think that teaching would be one particular way or another. It was a deep conversation and one I would wholeheartedly take part in again. If this person could see so much about me, what else could he see?
What he said brought up more questions than answers and truth be told, I’m not even sure I want to teach anymore at all. Well not in the traditional sense anyway. To realise that what you’ve been doing for the past few years may not be what you really want to do, is both frightening and immensely thrilling.
Thank you for putting into words what I haven’t been able to say, or face myself. You’ve helped me more than you will ever know.